INTRODUCING: THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
CONTEXT
This is a window opening to expose my inner world.
It is a rare glimpse: a view that I am always very careful to reveal. And yet I feel compelled to share it here.
For context: the following is a transcript. It’s an excerpt of a message I recorded for a friend.
It’s one spontaneous facet of my story, a heartfelt gift. And now it’s yours.
I hope that it proves useful in some way.
TRANSCRIPT
The truth is, I don’t know what comes next. I don’t have the slightest clue. And it drives me nuts, but I trust it.
“It drives me nuts, but I trust it.” That should really be my new mantra now. Because the same mind that previously held me so far apart from my truest potential continues to assert itself.
It looks at what’s happening + it scratches its head. It says, “I don’t get it. I don’t see how any of this makes you money. I don’t see how any of this can be conceived of as productive.”
“I don’t see how any of this accumulates to the level of MEANING that you have always been so desperate to achieve.”
And yet, my HEART just kind of gently laughs.
It’s like a loving laughter: as if some part of me just totally totally understands.
It’s almost like there’s this wise, old (ancient!) child in me that understands the drama, and yet is constantly willing to wait + remain in wonder.
And that Child in me just ceaselessly reminds the more ‘logical’ portion of my being to RELAX - just relax.
“It’s ok. It’s better than ok. Just relax.”
It says, “Watch + see what happens. Just WAIT + SEE what happens.”
“This story is soooooo much bigger than you know. The very best things that you can imagine? Watch + see how I explode them, how I transcend them, how I create out of you + your beautiful life something sooooo much greater than you could ever muster the courage or creativity to propose.”
“Just wait + see. You can relax, I’ve got this.”
Something inside - my heart, my Big Self, that Greater Me, the Universe, Mother Energy, Love Itself - that Something-with-a-capital-’S’ inside continues to reassure me: encouraging me to relax, to wait, to trust.
I can hear it even now, it says: “Slow down. There’s no rush. Your value… that meaning… the purpose that you have been soooo desperate for: it’s all built in.”
It says, “You have meaning by virtue of your existence; you will make a difference, but it won’t be the difference you have expected.”
“It will be so. much. BETTER! So. much. BIGGER! And so. much. more aligned with the truth that’s held inside of you.”
It promises: “YES it will be beautiful. YES it will be poetic. YES it will be musical. YES it will be pure artistry.”
“Your very being will express the Mastery + the Artistry that you have always always hoped that it could be.”
And so every day, I do my best to sit inside of that message.
Every day.
And every day, I struggle to.
It’s still a moment-by-moment regulatory process between this new story that is revealing itself through me + that complex of old stories that continue to assert themselves day by day.
And then somewhere in the middle I can sense the Inner Watcher, Silent Witness: this Child that is just infinitely fascinated by what’s unfolding every moment.
And that’s it right there: the whole entire story. So beautiful, so simple - unexpected.
That middle space of Wonder: it’s really all there is.