REFLECTIONS + INTENTIONS, PART III
:: looking within ::
Given how clear my inner focus for this coming year has been since I first started feeling toward it, I have been contemplating the sort of man I wish to be within that context. And I’m reminded of another time when I asked these same questions of myself.
The year was 2017. I lived in Berkeley (California) at the time. I was engaged in a long process of self-inquiry. As a part of my routine, I drafted bullet-point descriptions of the man I wished to be each day for weeks.
In stating that ideal, I was reminded of the man I’d always been beneath the surface of my worries, insecurities, and fear. I met the man who had the strength to meet (and to transform) those inner storms.
I learned about his attitude, his language, and his posture. I found the place inside me where he dwells. I looked into the mirror of who I most-wished to be + I saw……. me.
Not someday-me, not wishful-me, not maybe-with-a-lot-of-time-and-practice-me; the man I found inside was not potential; he was actual + living; he was Me.
On the morning of the 7th day of my 5th week in this process, I asked: “What do I know to be true about myself when I am at my best?”
By this time in my process, being like this had an attitude, a posture, and a name. I’ve shared my observations just below.
CONTINUED…
The following is a window into something very personal for me. I share it first + foremost for myself: as a reminder to encounter life with elegance + confidence + heart.
I share it secondarily as a template: for whoever might be ready to receive it. May you follow your own answers to the truth of what is deepest within you.
Here goes…
JOURNAL ENTRY: Sept. 30, 2017
“What do I know to be true about myself when I’m like this [when I am at my best]?”
I feel completely relaxed + comfortable + acceptable in my own skin.
I feel completely natural doing what I know to be right + true.
I am able to act consistently + with confidence.
I am able to make decisions for myself, effortlessly.
I am able to be fully myself, without hesitation or compromise.
I am the best possible version of myself when I am ‘like this’ - relaxed, fluid, spontaneous, open.
I can feel the openness + possibility expanding, physically expanding, outward from my chest.
I can feel positivity + possibility within + around me: like air - not forced or manufactured or imposed.
I am able to respond instantly + effortlessly from a deep, instinctive well of wisdom in my heart.
I feel tangibly connected to the earth + other beings: it is rich + unmistakable + clear.
I feel as though I am riding on a wave - simply carried along.
I feel as though I am a real-life hero in a constantly-unfolding story.
I feel as though perhaps the story has been brilliantly scripted + I am being magically directed by its author.
And yet, I still feel totally autonomous + powerful: a purposeful creator in the story I am living every day.
I know that I become magnetic: attracting others, gifts, resources, opportunities, experiences without effort.
I know that this magnetic force has specific frequency or quality or tone: it attracts to me those things I find most beautiful.
I feel a sense of automatic trust: in my self, in the universe, in the story.
I feel ready, prepared - poised, alert, aware (but never anxious).
There is not even a hint of fear or doubt or hesitation in me.
There is not even the slightest hint of urgency or frenzy in my actions or decisions.
I feel purposeful + focused + directed without any sense of needing to ‘make’ or ‘define’ my direction.
I feel absolutely capable, of anything: as though I could do absolutely anything I ever wanted or needed to.
I feel completely free of any sense of guilt or unworthiness or self-criticism.
I am relentlessly accepting of myself + of others.
I know that I am a safe place for others to fall into, to lean against.
I am gentle + kind-hearted; attentive, caring, generous, and necessary.
I know that the world would not be the same if not for my acting + moving + being within it.
I feel inspired + motivated: I am quick to act + undaunted in my decisions.
I know that who I am + what I have is valuable, worth sharing with the world I meet each day.
There is not even the slightest hint of economic concern - the paradigm has no need of it.
I feel completely free to simply be; completely free to think, create, and act from this authentic place inside: the most original expression of myself.
I know that my actions + decisions + motivations are moral - deeply moral - and personal, and right.
This morality is not intellectual, theoretical, cultivated, or developed.
This morality is effortless, natural, built-in, instinctive, absolutely obvious, primary. It is unavoidable. It is the expression of my heart.
Here is another iteration of spontaneous response from one day prior.
JOURNAL ENTRY: Sept. 29, 2017
“What do I know to be true about myself when I’m like this?”
I am inspired + motivated + quick to act.
I am clear-minded + clear-sighted.
I feel fully + authentically myself, without hesitation, compromise, or apology.
Acting + deciding honestly, for myself, feels absolutely effortless + natural.
I am deeply accepting of myself + others: non-judgmental + uncritical.
I am kind-hearted + empathetic + patient.
I feel absolutely capable of anything.
I feel energized: filled to overflowing with energy, in fact.
I feel overwhelmed with gratitude: as if enveloped by wave after wave of gratitude.
I am magnetic: spontaneously attracting beautiful experiences + beautiful people into my everyday experience.
I do not feel any sense of urgency or desperation; nothing that needs to be done requires force or even effort.
Actions + decisions become an art form in + of themselves: beautiful self-expressions of who I am.
I feel purposeful + direct in the act of following my full-body YES signals.
There is no sense of listlessness or purposelessness whatsoever.
There is no sense of guilt or self-criticism or hesitation.
There is no sense of uncertainty or fear.
I feel as though my life is an unfolding story; this fills me with curiosity + a deep sense of adventure.
I do not feel like I’m being led or that I’m leading: I feel as though I’m riding on a wave.
I do not feel longing; instead, I feel drawn forever-forward into life + my own future.
I really do feel like the hero of my story - a story that is epic (and expanding every day).
I feel important + powerful + humbled all at the same time: as though the world revolves around me for its own sake.
I feel a deep sense of morality that is not forced or manufactured in any way; it’s natural, instinctive, built into me, obvious.
I never feel the need to worry over what is right or wrong: what is right becomes an effortless expression of my heart - it’s natural, automatic - it is easy.
I do not feel any need for external approval or validation of any kind.
I feel excited, animated, innocent, and true.
I feel persistently expansive.
I feel light.
I can feel my whole being vibrate.
I feel as though my chest is a balloon, expanding.
I feel as though literally anything - anything at all - is possible.
I feel deeply + intimately connected to the earth + to others around me.
I feel valuable + generous: as though I have a lot to give that’s actually worth giving/sharing.