HOW TO NOT-FIX ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
CONTEXT
A few weeks ago, a friend reached out to discuss a problem she was having. This issue was the sort that had been plaguing her each day for quite some time. She felt that she’d exhausted all the typical advice.
I found myself surprised by what came through me in response, since what I shared at first appeared to skirt the grievance. In hindsight, though, I see how this response was for myself as well as her.
In fact, the words I spoke contained a truth that’s universal: I believe they reached beyond the single issue she proposed to touch the heart of something larger than we knew.
I share these insights now for those who need them: may they benefit your world as they have mine.
EXCERPT
I honestly think this may be the very most primary trap that I have seen. There is a tendency, once you’ve begun to bring awareness to your life, to then apply this new awareness somewhat critically - toward rooting out all of those things that you believe might need some work (or cure or fixing). It's as though this new awareness scans your life + your experience, noting everything that doesn’t quite add up to expectation. It scans for what seems 'off' in any way. And, although there may be some value to this, it really is only a very beginning step.
The truth is, turning our attention toward ‘the bad’ is nothing new. It’s really what we’ve trained ourselves to do. And we deplete ourselves attempting to repair those things that seem to be so wrong. We’re twisted inside-out in that pursuit. But the true work - the deeper work - comes in learning how to hold those shadowed corners of our world with tenderness + care. It comes with turning softer eyes onto the world (the ones within us + without).
The real work reminds us how to fall in love with our own lives - even with those parts that we would otherwise consider to be flawed.
CONTINUED…
So let’s say that you see something that you wish was somehow different than it is. Sure, you can take note + 'get to work.’ You can (easily) allow it to become the next-big-thing. Or you can consider how to hold it in the warmth of your acceptance. You can learn how to accept it as a current truth of your ongoing story: just a single note of many in the symphony that is your life right now - a note held in the context of a song you’ve not yet fully met - a note that will inevitably change in time to sound another like it, and yet different.
The point is: when you war against ‘what’s wrong,' you then proactively sustain it. But when you learn how to embrace what doesn't-feel-right, you then free it to transform: you make it new, and something better.
CONTINUED…
So that problem you have noticed + would hope to somehow change? It's a single shining facet of your current situation. And the truth is that it WILL change, but it won’t be by your wit or force of will. It will change as you relate to it anew.
As you release the need to fix it or to fight it, it dissolves. As you remember to relax + to allow what-is-alive-in-you-right-now to have its temporary life, it soon dissolves.
Remember: we're not here to be at war with our experiences. And we are certainly not here to be at war with our own selves! Existence is a gift, an opportunity.
We are not here to perfect, we’re here to love. We really do exist to fall in love with our own lives - exactly as they are in every moment.
Life is a gift to be celebrated, savored, and enjoyed. Our greatest work - our only ‘job’ - is to embrace that gift + trust it.