TOGETHER: Episode Two
Here's one of my favorite insights from the second episode of our TOGETHER Conversation Series.
AN EXCERPT
I’m thinking about codependence, independence, and interdependence. Now, I’m aware that these are not new terms; but I think I might be seeing a particular sequence at play here.
CO-DEPENDENCE
For instance, I can see how we all start out, to some degree, as Co-dependent. Certainly as infants + as children we are totally dependent, right? And I can see how, for those of us who are on a developmental journey, there comes a point where you become aware of that totally dependent state as somewhat disempowering, as a limitation - and so you break away.
IN-DEPENDENCE
You break away from that initial “safe place” of complete dependence, and you venture out into the wild unknown of In-dependence. It is in this position that we meet some of life’s biggest questions. For instance: “Who am I? Who am I apart from all these outside expectations?” So in relation to codependence, independence is deeply empowering.
More specifically, it is self-empowering. We become self-empowered, maybe even for the first time in our lives. The only potential trap here is that independence can become a very lonely place.
At a certain point, you realize that this whole thing is a dance: you've taken a big step back from the other - a necessary one! But that isn’t the end of the movement.
It doesn’t end there. It can’t end there, or else you end up completely alone, swatting at everything that “isn’t you.
INTER-DEPENDENCE
And that's where the potential for Inter-dependence can finally reveal itself. Interdependence is a step back in toward the other. In an interdependent relationship, we find two capable, conscious individuals taking full responsibility not only for who they are, but also for who they are in relation to the other.
This step-back-in-toward-the-other really doesn’t become possible until you've grown a good strong set of roots in your self - until you've realized, “Okay, I am in fact a full + complete individual exactly as I am.”
MERGING
Once you’ve connected to that inner awareness of self, you can finally move forward into life as that whole, important person that you are. And you can choose at that point to merge - to become one with the other in a way that does not compromise anyone’s integrity.
So in the end, we are neither dependent nor independent; we can become both things, by intention: full + complete individuals in a chosen state of merging-with-the-other. There’s magic in that.
It is, in fact, an art.